I know, I know... I skipped out on dA again. I just have a difficult time keeping up with the site. They should really have an app for ipods so I don't have to try and navigate the crappy website on my ipod (one reason why I'm on tumblr 24/7 is because its easier to get to). I don't really have a lot to upload or update on here, but there was one thing I stumbled across earlier in the week that I feel I should share because it was such an "AHA!" moment for me.
So for the past couple of years I've noticed that I've started getting frustrated in situations that force me to close to a lot of people or just in a crowded place. Like shopping. Shopping is horrible for me. I'd rather sit on my couch and starve than go grocery shopping, because I just get so frustrated so fast. There's too many people, its too loud, the lights are too bright, its either really hot or really cold, whatever I'm carrying is just driving me crazy (too heavy, too bulky, cold, hot, could be my purse or a coat or groceries). If I'm shopping with friends, I tend to be short tempered and snap at everyone. I've also notices that certain sounds make me very anxious/angry.
To move this random story on: My room mate found a random "did you know" thing on facebook the other day about misophonia. Basically misophonia is a neural disorder that cause certain trigger sounds (could be anything from someone chewing, to the sound of a toilet flushing) to cause extreme anxiety or rage. Jokingly, she told me that I have that because I snap at people or complain about certain noises. And that got me thinking. So I started searching around about it on the interwebs, and there is a a very minute possibility that I have misphonia. Honestly, if I do, its not severe enought to cause problems and its just mild annoyance.
In my searching, I came across sensory defensiveness. Now this really sparked my brain. Here's a small list of symptoms (that I have conveniently bolded the things that apply to me): Feeling annoyed when certain textures touch your skin Recoiling to light, ticklish touch or when someone, particularly a stranger, unexpectedly touches youShunning crowdsStartling to loud, sudden, or piercing sounds; being unable to shut out constant noiseWincing at bright lights (overhead lights, especially fluorescent); becoming disorganized by excessive visual stimulationGrimacing at odors others don't notice
Feeling light-headed and sick from chemicals in the environmentAvoiding foods of a certain taste or texture
Feeling anxious when:
Experiencing sudden or fast movement
Leaning forward or backward
Confronted with heights, unstable surfaces, swings, or roller coasters
Difficulty maintaining eye-contact
That would explain so much about my behavior and "anger" issues. I'm not going to use it as an excuse, I will correct myself if I snap at someone and explain that I'm "overly sensitive" to certain things, and that I get frustrated easily. There was also a thing about how its normal for people with sensory defensiveness to either press or scratch where something has touched them. Which, as my room mate with tell you, I do all the time. I am constantly itchy. I will scratch a spot on my skin (even if an air current is the only thing that touched me) until there is no skin. I just generally do a good job resisting the urge to scratch for as long as possible.
So yeah. That was my random thing for the... month. I don't really know what else to say about it so I'll just wander back over to tumblr. Ps, I am sooooooooooooooooo sorry. I really am working on it, just really really slowly. I should be flogged.